I've really just been trying to step back whenever I'm angry or worried and just ask myself why that particular thing even matters or at least as greatly as I think that it does --it's been very eye-opening for me. Someone recently told me about how bad my new tattoo is going to look when I become old and wrinkly, and I thought to myself "why would care about that?" For one, I don't feel like I'm going to be overly concerned with my physical appearance when I'm eighty-something years old but I also may not even live to be old and wrinkly for all I know. So, why should I base my life decisions on a far off future that may not come?
Humanity seems to have such a gross obsession with the future. We're told to save money, go to college, get a good career, build credit, buy a house, etc. all so we can secure this thing called the future, because apparently the future that you're not guaranteed matters so much more than the present moment which you are currently experiencing. In our society, living for today is often deemed as reckless and irresponsible, because everything that matters comes tomorrow-- thats just so ridiculous to me.
I don't want to live recklessly or irresponsibly necessarily, but I don't think true happiness resides in "playing it safe", or following the rules based on an arbitrary set of morals and ideals that are bound to change over time and location. We have been taught that certain things are important when more often than not it's just about our egos feeling a false sense of security while other egos control and manipulate us to their own selfish ends. We're taught that all sorts of things matter and will bring happiness when more often they bring never-ending dread and sadness because we cling so tightly to mental pictures of success. I often call it "the game", if you will.
The game is unspoken, but it is designed to make you jump through countless hoops and bust your ass to attain lasting contentment yet, ironically, contentment isn't really ever found or not for long. Now, religion is principally concerned with pointing out this game and beckons that we escape it, but often I think it just trades it for yet another game that is very similar. For example, we may detach ourselves from seeking worldly riches and satisfaction because someday in the future we will go to heaven, be cured of all troubles and we need to get as many other people on their way to heaven as possible and so on. The best is never here but always around the corner ---so, the mentality is virtually the same between some secular and some religious mindsets. Quite frankly, I don't feel like striving for a sense of bliss that has no real guarantee, be it in this life or the next.
I'm not saying that I want to live apathetically and without passion but simply that I want to live without fear --fear of failing, death, the future. Life is not meaningless to me, it's just difficult to say what anything amounts to in the grand scheme of the universal story. If anything means anything in the ultimate sense, I think it is much simpler than the elaborate mental and emotional labyrinths we have created for ourselves.