Can one be a Christian and still think?

The more I analyze my personal beliefs and in what ways I still identify with the Christian religion, the more lost I tend to feel. It seems the more I learn and the more I critically examine the ideas I once held as facts, I honestly just don't know what to believe sometimes? Two years ago I would have said that I agree with mainstream Christianity on most things besides concepts like everlasting punishment for unbelievers, but now its hard to say I agree with it on much of anything at all. And I think this dilemma has only come to amplify itself over the past year and a half since I felt a call to ministry. After all, if I cant concretely make up my mind about what I actually believe and what direction I should go, how on Earth can I teach others what to believe and what direction they themselves should go?

This is to be expected though, since within the last few months its finally dawned on me just how much you're never taught in church. I mean, if going to church is any way supposed to be a Christian education for the average believer, I think its safe to say it has failed miserably. You're never taught, for example, what the actual differences between the gospels are or that many scholars are unsure if any of the apostles even wrote them (in other words, every saying and deed attributed to Jesus should be taken with a grain of salt). You're never taught much, if anything, about alternative views on Hell and salvation such as Christian universalism. You're never taught that the Bible is in fact not without error and has quite a bit of internal disharmony theologically speaking. You're never taught about alternative eschatologies such as pantelism and preterism which date Christ's symbolic return within the lifetimes of the apostles as opposed to 1,978 years into the future and counting. You're never taught that there is little to no historical mention of Jesus outside the New Testament. And you're rarely even taught that one can be a Christian without completely disregarding the scientific consensus of the Earth being billions of years old, rather than a few thousand years old. So if Christianity were compared to an iceberg, I think its fair to say you're only shown the very tip of it in church, while the rest is kept submerged beneath like some deep dark secret that its ashamed of. Or perhaps a crazy old uncle that has a room in the basement that no one really talks to or about.

Honestly, why is that?

My guess is that these types of things aren't taught because if they were it would undermine the faith of a good many people. More specifically it would undermine people's faith in several popular church doctrines. But if the truth really does set us free, as Jesus supposedly said, what could really be the harm in at least giving such things some mention? Should we not be seekers of truth first, and Christians second? What importance is any religion if it is either at odds with or turns a blind eye to the facts? I'm aware of the inherent uncertainty that comes about when some of this lesser known information is brought to light, but regardless of what we make of it the facts still remain. People deserve to know of these things even if it doesn't change their faith or their approach to it in any way. And this is one of the reasons I'm thankful for individuals like Rob Bell who are bold enough to put some of the lesser known viewpoints like universalism and post-mortem salvation out on the Christian table for all to see. We need more leaders in Christianity who are willing to do those sorts of things no matter how controversial they may be.

Anyway, to the point of all this rambling: I often wonder if one can (or at least if I can) be a Christian and still think with honesty and sincerity? Most Christians I'm sure would respond positively to that and of course there have obviously been many Christians who have also been very deep thinkers such as C.S. Lewis. But what I've come to find is that it's often times hard for me to be true to my faith while also being true to my conscience. Faith can be a great tool to fill in what we humans cannot yet fully grasp about our purpose and our existence, but it can also act as a pair of blinders when it comes to things outside of what we've been taught to believe. For instance, it doesn't matter how heartfelt and sincere a Muslim or someone of another faith may come across, they're still in conscious rebellion to God because they do not see Jesus like we do. God has revealed the "truth" to them as obviously as He has to us Christians but they just choose to do all this other stuff that they don't really believe in. Or it doesn't matter how many conflicting passages and ideas seem to be in the Bible, or that it was written in an ancient time and culture far removed from our own. It is still the perfect Word of God and to say anything else is to call God a liar. Or so mainstream Christianity often teaches.

I guess to my mind, there is just little to no reason to believe some of the things that many Christians do. Some beliefs (like eternal torment) I honestly don't want to believe anyway, but then there are other things (like the accuracy of the gospels) that I really wish I could believe but just cant for the most part. I believe in God as the creator of our universe, I believe in Jesus as a savior from sin and from more primitive views of God. And I believe the Bible contains some wise insights and musings about God and His relationship to us. Yet beyond that I just have mountains of questions and doubts, most of which I have really no idea how to process. Even on the more liberal side of Christianity, I find people super confident in things I can only find to be a bit entertaining to think about (like with basically all eschatology), yet beyond that I just have to kind of shrug my shoulders. And most of which I'm coming to conclude doesn't matter too much in the grand scheme of things, since I don't believe in a God who's future acceptance of us depends on which religious avenue we died on. But they are important questions none the less and I will need to figure out some way to approach them if I am to take this pastor thing seriously.

So can one be a Christian and still think? Well, I sure hope so.

Identifying with Gandhi

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” -Mahatma Gandhi

This quote, at one time, greatly offended me. It seemed like a bash against Christians and made me think,
Even though Gandhi did alot of nice things, he sure is going to Hell!

But as time goes by, Ive come to greatly identify with the statement. And ive begun to understand why many people can find the person of Christ so compelling...while finding the religion that bears His name and His followers quite distasteful.

I suppose in one way Ive never quite felt like I "fit in" with the Christian community even from my early days of being a believer. Yet even long before I came into the belief of universalism, I've felt less and less like I can relate to other Christians. We (apparently) serve the same God, believe Jesus is the way of Salvation, hold to the Bible as truth...yet when I go to church or talk to other Christians I feel more frustrated and suffocated, than I do encouraged. I feel like were on two different wave lengths when in theory, were supposed to be on the same one.

As to any one reason why I feel like this, I suppose there isnt just one in particular. If I were to rattle off every reason why I'm not crazy about Christians in general, I'd be here all night writing this thing. But I will say its not really a "all Christians are hypocrites!" mentality that Im dealing with. There are many wonderful Christians I know trying to serve the Lord and really do love Him and other people. I dont doubt the good intentions of many Christians I know (whether I agree with their methods or not).

I think what it really comes down to though, is the fact that Jesus, and the beauty of Gods love, stretches so far beyond the concrete walls of church, our religious rituals and our padded Christian subculture. I've come to a point where none of that is very appealing or edifying to me...because God and His love are not confined to that system. That system of rules and organization has been too often equated with having a passion for God. For example, if you dont go to church regularly, or involve yourself with church activities, or listen to Christian music, or hold the same beliefs as other Christians...you're love of God comes into question. Ive become disillusioned with the system of Christianity we have made for ourselves, and that has caused some people to be concerned about me. Nevermind the fact that now I feel freer and more able to love and seek God, I dont believe and do the same things other Christians do! So that seems to put me on some sort of mental prayer list.

Its so backwards to me...Christians seem to be more concerned with people subscribing to their brand of faith than they are with people seeking God. They wouldnt say that, but that is what Ive seen, especially now that my beliefs dont identify with the typical religious crowd.

But when I remind myself that Jesus himself never identified with the typical religious crowd, I realize that Im probably on the right track. All throughout the gospels it seems that Jesus is pitted AGAINST the religious people and their laws. Jesus would acknowledge scripture and their laws, but he would always show how a love for God and for others far out rooted the rules and rituals of religion. Jesus was a dangerous adversary to the rich religious crowd and to their power...which ultimately got him plotted against and killed. And that is probably why Gandhi liked Christ and not so much the Christians. He saw in the character of Christ a loving person that was beyond religion and was willing to love and show people truth regardless of their sins or social status. Yet when Gandhi saw the Christians, he saw people overly concerned with everything BUT loving people more often than not.

With all that said, I think its time for me to put more time and energy in seeking and loving God, and helping me express his undying love for others.... rather than pleasing other Christians by subscribing to their doctrines and practices.

What if I'm wrong?: A problem of perspectives

I had planned to continue the salvation discussion this week, but instead I think I'll address this matter. I've been asked various questions as of late but most of them boiling down to,

What if you're wrong and eternal torment is true?

There are various aspects in the answer to this, and I would be lying if I said this wasn't an uncomfortable question. But I think the first thing to say about that, is that I cannot base my beliefs on "what if's". By that same logic, just about anything could be true or untrue. For example one could say,

• What if God does not exist?
• What if Christianity isn't true, and Islam is?
• What if life is really a complex computer program, and humanity is unknowingly enslaved by octopus-like robots?
• What if there's tiny green aliens that live inside my body, where they have nightly disco parties?(that could explain my difficulties in sleeping, lol)
  

Questioning things, as I've said before, can be very healthy. And I wouldn't be where I am today had I not done that. But spending time living in constant fear of what I don't know and not making a conclusion simply because I cant PROVE anything, seems to be a ridiculous way to live life. It makes much more sense to me to base my beliefs off of the evidence I have been given...rather than that which I have not.

The next thing is, is that the perspective I hold now (that God loves all and will save all), has had a positive impact on my own life in numerous ways. One being that I feel closer to God and feel free to love him, without some ever passing fear that hes angry at me and is going to incinerate my loved ones. More over than that, I think if ones perspective is that,
God eventually gives up on most people and will torture them forever, if they don't accept the right beliefs
...then your attitude towards people will likely be as short-lived and conditional. No matter how much and how long you want to "save the masses from brimstone" it always wears on you to a point that you just sort of shrug your shoulders and fall back into a state of apathy, that can only be (momentarily) cured by a preacher's terror tactics. Hence most of Christian culture today seems surprisingly unconcerned by the overall destiny of mankind, that is supposedly marching their merry way into the devils human cauldron.
I know this firsthand, because such perspective is what brought about the breakdown in my own faith. But if your perspective is like mine, that,
God never gives up on people and loves them unconditionally no matter their beliefs
then your attitude towards fellow humanity will be of the same, ever-loving, persevering vein.

Now if eternal torment is true like orthodox Christianity says, which perspective is likely to "win" more souls to God? Which perspective on God would an unbeliever most likely want to serve and love? The one that is planning to damn you forever if you dont jump through all the religious hoops, or the one who loves you no matter what and wants to transform your life for the better? I would say the later, and that would probably explain the reason why I can talk to people about God and spirituality that before, would not be willing to hear me out. All too often, I hear other Christians say,
Well everyone on earth has heard about Christianity!!!! They have no excuse!

Yeah, they've most all heard the "turn and burn" self-righteous, judgmental, homo-phobic Christianity, that has committed tons of atrocities supposedly in the name of Christ. Very few people have really heard of Christ and the perspective that God loves everyone where they're at unconditionally. And that's the perspective that will draw more people to Him if anything.

Lastly, I really like what Bishop Carlton Pearson said in his book The Gospel of Inclusion, on this very matter,
I'd rather be wrong for overestimating the love of God, than underestimating it. I'd rather err on the goodness, greatness, and graciousness of God than the opposite.

As simple as this statement is, I couldn't agree more. It makes more sense in my mind to believe that God is much more compassionate and understanding than the kindest "Mother Theresa", than to believe he is more sadistic and merciless than the cruelest "Hitler". Ive thought about it several times, and I don't believe I could even go back to worshiping God from the perspective I once held. I have thought about it and examined it far too closely, for it to not make my stomach churn and make me feel depressed...hence what started this spiritual journey to begin with.

The god(yeah I'm not even going to capitalize it) of orthodox Christianity is one that wouldn't even be worth serving, if that were indeed his nature. As dangerous as it might be to say...I honestly would have no interest in worshiping a god so obsessed with his own cosmic ego, that he'd gamble the eternal destinies of mankind and torture billions of unfortunates for all eternity. I would have no interest in worshiping a god that allowed the world to be entrenched in sin and destruction, only to redeem a few undeserving souls...all in the name of so-called "justice". Such a god I could only fear and be terrified of. Such a god I could not love with all of my heart, soul and mind as the Bible commands. And I think if every Christian were deeply honest with themselves, they would come to a similar conclusion.

We have no real way of proving one way or the other, but I believe the Bible provides us with much evidence of Gods unfailing love...much of which I have been trying to share here. And I believe that is why God put me on this journey and has let my heart leap to the most astounding plateau of my faith I have yet experienced. I don't believe God would drop this in front of me only to raise false hopes and to coax me into some false sense of love for Him. Because He is not really cruel, and is far more loving and just than most give Him credit for. And when you put all of the Bible into transcendent, divine perception, I believe it is ever so clear and wonderful. That is the God I serve, that is the God I trust.

Ultimate Reconcilliation Or Eternal Torture?

One of the main things I began to analyze when all the "dark" questions started parading in my mind some months ago...was about "Salvation" (going to heaven to be with God, as opposed to not) and how it works in relation to different people in different times/circumstances. Ill apologize right here if this blog seems to be all over the place, I have a lot to say about it...and it may even be a two or three part thing depending on how much I write. This is a lot to chew even for me:

The first big question mark came when I began to think about those in the Old Testament, who had loved and followed God but wasn't (at least not in the sense we do today) operating on the hope the Jesus died for their sins. Yet to say that all those people(and I have yet to hear anyone say this) went to Hell for all eternity merely because they couldn't "say a prayer of salvation to Jesus" persay, seems a little harsh and probably untrue.

Amoung the theories Ive heard in response, are "They were rescued from Hell and taken to Heaven when Jesus was in hell", "No one is in Heaven yet, but they knew the spirit of Jesus without actually knowing it", and the more common "They were saved by believing in the promise of a coming messiah". The later being what I had pretty much believed for many years. And I certainly see the possibility of any of those ideas. Yet at the same time, see little support of scripture for any of those assumptions.

The big problem being...that none of those really seem to cut it for me...I couldn't help but think "There's more to it than just that...its not that simple". Because if it is that simple...than those of the Jewish faith shoudlnt be turned away on Judgement day...because they too trusted in that coming of a messiah...they were just blinded from it being Jesus. If it is that simple, than all the new testament jazz about inviting the Holy spirit into your heart obviously isn't required for salvation, as much as it is "trying to follow God" which sounds a lot more like a religion of works, and not grace.

Then I began to think to something a little more relevant to our time...
Do people really go to Hell for all eternity that never knew about not only Jesus and his sacrifice, but not even God as hes portrayed in the Bible? In response to this, I often hear things like "Well in Romans 1:20 it says they have 'no excuse', God revealed Himself to them in nature so He is not responsible" . Wait a minute..."have no excuse"? What excuse does a tribe secluded from society in the middle of South America NOT have? What excuse does someone who's been raised in another religion their whole life, NEVER hearing about Jesus not have? And why does the said "excuse" have to be in regards to their salvation? What if it just meant evil in general?

And I began to ask the bigger question "Can people really be punished FOREVER for something that was never made clear to them?" and "is God so cruel that he would create the majority of humanity KNOWING they would 'choose' to be away from Him FOREVER"? Forever is an awfully long time...

Most Christians would say "Well God has to be just", but here are the problems with that:
A.God is not an earthly judge...he is perfect, he is "Love"...thus He knows the circumstances and confusions that bind us.
B.We are not born with an instruction manual straight from the hands of God...we have an "inspired" book, a book which not everyone ends up reading.
C. With that said, there are many other books that claim to contain "truth", and other than the feeling in your heart/observable evidence...its all a judgment call.
D. Choosing between absolute "truth" and absolute "lies" is not as simple as choosing between and apple or an orange...God didn't give us that ability, so obviously he left it up to interpretation...up to a subtle learning process called "life".

I think those of us that are Christians feel like we have been thrust upon a spotless pedestal of reason by which we can see the world and God clearer than anyone else. But I don't believe this is the case at all. Regardless of whether we have, by the grace of God, "grasped truth" to the fullest of human understanding in this life...not everyone has. And more often than not its not because they just "are evil sinful people who don't want to obey God". Its because they are blinded from God and the truth...it is because all these things in this life can easily distract us from God and his true purpose for us, without us really ever knowing that purpose to begin with.

Everyone is trying to seek truth and "completeness" just as equally. I truly believe that. Not everyone is out running the streets "sinning away their life" because they hate God. Its because they are in a state that they don't feel they understand what God is, or are deluded into thinking its something else than it actually is. Were designed to be filled emotionally and physically...and yet many people don't figure out why that they still come up dry after obtaining all this life has to offer, even religiously. Even those presented with Christ...even those who have BEEN true Christians sometimes come up at the end of their rope feeling lost, confused and unfulfilled. Sometimes even those that are closet to God, are torn away by Satan and his lies.

But does any of that ETERNALLY void a person to be with their creator, their completeness...simply because they weren't able to fully grasp what God created them for in this life? I would say no....and as the days go by, that "no" gets a little bit stronger.

And verse wise, I feel like this is what God has shown me in support of this...

"Isaiah 45:23-25-

23 By myself I have sworn,
my mouth has uttered in all integrity
a word that will not be revoked:
Before me every knee will bow;
by me every tongue will swear.

24 They will say of me, 'In the LORD alone
are righteousness and strength.' "
ALL who have raged against him
will come to him and be put to shame.

25 But in the LORD all the descendants of Israel
will be found righteous and will exult."

Now the typical Christian would say "oh this just means everyone will give God glory in the end but it'll be too late if they didn't accept Jesus before... they're gone forever because its too late". And maybe they're right. Or maybe that's just looking at it through the typical lens they got from church...maybe that's not the way God wants us to view it. Which brings me to the next verse

"Romans 10:9

9That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

these people are admitting(in the prophecy in isaiah 45) to God and are bowing their knees(obviously in worship, and reverence)...even if Hell or punishment awaits (or has already happened) does that mean they are forever cast away? These people that have "raged against him" are turning to him in that final time...and therefore I believed that even they who did not accept him now...in this life...will come to him then and ultimately be reconciled to His love, even if temporary time in Hell is a prequel or sequel as a punishment.

"1 John 2:2
He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world."
If Jesus really died for us all...do you really think he'd just settle for a handful of people out of the billions that the Father created? Or is God really like the father in the story of the prodigal son...and even when his son strayed from him...rejoiced and forgave him when he finally came back to his father? I believe He is. I believe that tapestry that God is making can look like a mangled mess on the one side, the side we see in this life sometimes...but on the other side its becoming a beautiful, complete picture of His love and willingness to thread us all unto himself through the blood of Christ...no matter how long that takes to finish.

In the next part I'm going to go through some of the verses that seem to (or may actually) contradict this view and also some more thoughts in depth, in the meantime...feel free to comment with your thoughts. Id love to hear from you even if you don't agree at all =)